We’ve had a month…. I could go into super long detail about everything that happened…. but I won’t. I’ll just say a lot happened including a death in the family, a trip to the ER, multiple illnesses, injuries, etc…. sometimes life is hard…..When I have a hard day and am grumpy, I always tell Milo “I’m sorry, we’ve had a rough day…” She now uses that statement all the time. As a mother in our world, some ppl might not think it’s a good idea to share my daily struggles with my 4 year old….. I’m pretty sure no other generation had as many parenting opinions pushed on you as we do today…. So I’m gonna push my own opinion on you.
It’s Okay. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to have a hard day. And for Pete’s sake, it’s okay to let your kids know that you are struggling. Since last May, I have been struggling with overwhelming emotions. I don’t consider myself to be an nervous or down person, but somehow it happened. I started having this sinking feeling in my chest–like I couldn’t breathe and went to the doctor because I was convinced I had an arrhythmia or irregular heartbeat. I did not. The doctor told me I was completely fine and that this was caused by my out of control emotions. Thankfully I had a huge supportive community when we were in the UK that wrapped their arms around me and my girls. Then we moved back to the states and stayed with family for a couple months. It was nice to be back home… but the hard part came when I got to St. Louis. To a town where I don’t really know many people. Just our little family. I’ve made big moves before. They’re always a little difficult, but because I was already having a hard time, it took it to a whole new level. I once started crying at Pizza Hut! I mean, I felt out of control.
I was concerned–about myself…. worried my children might think they had a mean mom…. afraid I was going to permanently turn into this person. I’ve had my fair share of crazy women in my life and I was afraid I was turning into one…. and it scared me. Once in the middle of some craziness going on with the girls–I sat down with my head in my hands and took a big breath. My sweet Milo came to me, took my hands in hers and said “It’s ok mommy, We can figure this out together”…… and I knew that I had done something right, but in her eyes I saw myself as a child…. worried about my mother. And I knew. I knew something had to change.
I can remember sobbing to JR one night about how Lennon was robbed of those innocent toddler months because I was just mean all the time….quick-tempered, angry, sad, exhausted. I would go into the bathroom and shut the door and cry as the girls knocked on the other side of the door… but I just needed a minute to let it out. I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone… I’ve had people say to me “you are the perfect mom. How do you do it?!”…. I am not the perfect mom…. by a LOOOOONG shot. I think social media does that. You only see the highlights of someone’s life. The good parts–only part of the story.
If my story sounds familiar…. just know that it doesn’t have to be that way forever. I can finally say I am feeling like myself again…. Do I still have rough days? Yes. But in the midst of this past month with everything that has happened, I’ve realized just how far from that dark place I have come. I had an acquaintance share a similar experience and I can’t tell you how much it meant to know that I was not alone…. that I wasn’t a bad mom because of this struggle.
How did I regain balance? I prayed, got more physically active, embraced the support of my husband….. but also have started using essential oils. They have helped to improve my mood, make me feel more grounded, and have brought balance to my emotions. As you can see by my recent posts, I am very excited about Young Living’s Essential Oils. This is why.
It’s Ok to struggle…. and when we do—for goodness sake, don’t hold it in and make your children think it’s their fault. Tell them you’re sorry and that you are having a hard time. They will learn from you. People make mistakes. People struggle. THEY will struggle. By being open about it, we teach them how to deal with it when it happens to them. Even now, When Milo gets angry or frustrated she will apologize to me and tell me she’s sorry….. but she doesn’t feel good or whatever the case may be. We hug and move on. My children are happy, healthy, adventurous, wild, and loved. I read somewhere a long time ago a post by another blogger… she talked about how we are enough. That’s become my Mantra. When I find myself caught up in trying to keep up with the latest pinterest homeschool ideas, party planning, healthy kids recipes… I stop and remind myself. You are enough.
I’m thankful for this journey I’ve made and am so happy with where I am. I feel in control and much more optimistic. This was not what I sat down intending to write. I sat down wanting to write about bath salts and tax returns, but this just sort of came out. Evidently I needed to get it out. I haven’t shared this with too many people. It’s hard admitting weakness… but we all have them.
The past several months have been a journey for me. I’m thankful that I found oils and that I found a wonderful community and group of friends to help me in that journey….. check out How to get started with Essential Oils
Let me also say. I am not a doctor. I’m not prescribing, treating, or curing anything. Everyone is different and will find a solution that works for them. If you are concerned for your safety or the safety of others, please see a Doctor or Counselor.